Truth Thursday (Right on time again.): Identity Part 6
I’m afraid. I’m afraid to be alone, I’m afraid not to be alone. I’m afraid of what I am, what I’m not, what I might become, what I might never become. I don’t want to stay at my job for the rest of my life but I’m afraid to leave. And I’m just tired, you know, I’m just so tired of being afraid. ~ Michelle Pfeiffer (Frankie), Frankie and Johnny
Remember, you don’t have to directly answer the question, you could just be “inspired” by it. but better if you do directly address the prompt/question. remember the mechanics:
I. WANT. TO.—-000—-000—-000—-There’s not much difference between want and need. In fact, those two words complement each other. Sometimes we look upon want as a bad thing - the word luxury is almost an insult - but it isn’t really. The truth is more like this:
- Every Thursday, ‘Taguan’ will post a question or a prompt on this blog and participants will write something that answers the question or was inspired by it. (or post pictures or artworks!)
- Participants who wrote something for that Thursday must leave a link on the comment box of that day’s prompt to let people know that they have posted.
- TRUTH THURSDAY must be on the Title of your entry, followed by the question (so people will know).
- This does not have to be emo– although these things tend to be a bit on the emo side, but TRUTH THURSDAYS are meant to be a fun way to bond through blog, and to get people writing and posting something meaningful and real. (disclaimer: this isn’t to say that you’re not doing so already!)
- No pressure. Just be inspired and post something!
- Be TRUTHFUL!
All needs are wants, but not all wants are needs.
We should never confuse the word ‘want’ with ‘like’. Like connotes some sort of frivolity. All ‘likes’ are wants but not all wants are likes.Quote above, under the photo of the poster of the movie that gave me my nickname - Frankie. (My mom gave me that nickname when I was born - I’m not that old.) What does the person saying the quote want? Translated: I want to not be afraid anymore.So let’s get down to the topic at hand: I want to.
See what I mean? Wants are not always frivolous. Which is not to say that ‘likes’ are, but the word connotes a degree of frivolity, as I said before.
I want to get higher grades in math. Sometimes, especially since that math is trigonometry, it seems vaguely impossible. But limitations have never stopped me from getting what I want. I’ll get it, somehow, even though I don’t really know how right now.
I want to get into NYU. This is another thing that rings of the vaguely impossible. I need to pay an impossibly high two million pesos per year to study there. Actually, even getting in rings of the vaguely impossible. I’m afraid. I’m so very afraid. But I want it and I’ll pray about it and I’ll find a way to get a grant, a job, a scholarship (though those are few and useless and far between). I believe I can work and study at the same time. My dad couldn’t, but I can. I want it bad enough.
I want to sing, loudly, with all my soul. I want to be part of the Music Team, one day. My voice is from God, giving it back is a blessing. I’ve gotten that want (that crosses over, slightly, into a need). I sang in Kids’ Church, once. I’ll serve with bated breath until I get that chance again. (Open my mouth and close my eyes and let the song reach Paradise.)
I want to do silly things. These are the things I want to do that dwell in the realm of frivolous ‘like’. I want to eat pasta right now. I want to go shopping for clothes and CDs (Useless consumerism - I don’t need to right now.). I want to (half-want to, but I won’t because after researching it the story makes me uncomfortable) watch the farewell show of Avenue Q. I want to (this is silliest) someday sing a duet with David Cook (shoot me now, Archuleta fans).
Silly things. Childish things. Dreamer things.
I want to find love, someday. (Deeper things. Hopeful things. Future things.) I want to get married and have a family, because what girl doesn’t, and boys should know that. I don’t want to just give it all away. I’m not easy. I’m not just a girl. I’m something more.
I want to let you know I have value.
I want to let God write my love story, at any rate. I’m not afraid to do that. I know He can choose infinitely better than I can. I know He’ll find someone who won’t use or abuse me, beat me or bruise me, or break my heart more than is bearable (because the ones we love are the ones who hurt us most). I know He’ll choose someone who can be the father to my children that I never had - the identity-edifier, the protector, the stand-behinder, the head of the family.
A mother can only be so much. (Don’t get me wrong. I want you to know I love my mother and that she’s done so much for me I can’t name everything.)
I want to say I’m sorry to someone I’m sure I’ve hurt. I want to do it in person. I want to clear up things, close doors, scribble ‘The End’ on stories.
I want a lot of things. I want to do a lot of things. They are not all selfish, though the beginnings of ‘I want to’ make them sound such.
I want to stop being afraid that I’ve done something wrong and I’m not going to Heaven, because the change in my life for the better should reflect, at least, that what I did two years ago was not just some random event. I did not pray it wrong or say it wrong. As long as I meant it, that’s it. I am not saved by ceremony, by deed. I am saved by faith.
I want to do just one more thing.
I want to change. I want to become a better person. I want to be good. I can’t do that on my own, and I know that, so I surrender. I surrender to the God who made me to take away more and more of myself and put in more and more of Him. I’m not afraid of change. I’ve always been pretty, but…
One day the mirror will show not just the beauty on the surface but the beauty in your soul.
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